It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
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