I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
