it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was CRYING into my vagina
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
