Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
