I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
