Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
