Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
