Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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