I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
