she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
