Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
