Nicole vs. Life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
