you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize