Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
