i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
