i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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