I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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