i was born a porn star she said
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
