Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
