i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Randomize
