something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize