Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
