he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
