got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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