First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
