I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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