i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
