I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
