a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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