So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
