and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
