You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
