she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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