AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
