why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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