im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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