I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
