I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
