you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize