i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
