i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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