my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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