you traded sex for a burrito?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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