Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
