smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
