Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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