What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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