some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
