She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
