I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize