me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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