what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
