Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
