In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
