i would punch a child for taco bell
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
