Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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