Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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