His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
