I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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