youre lurking in front of me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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