I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize