We're facebook friends in real life
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize