Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
